….because as long as you are happy with yourself, no one else’s opinion matters. (Quote from Kushandwizdom)
I found this quote today on Tumblr and it interested me. I mean since people’s opinions matter to me, that must mean I don’t show who I really am and I’m not happy with myself? Well, I know that I don’t truly show myself to everyone. I’m careful with that. I’ve tried being honest and letting people see me, but the results aren’t always pleasant. So that leads me to “am I happy with myself”? Hmm, that’s the million dollar question.
Define happy. I’m not completely happy with my life. I guess I’d say that I’m okay with my life. That’s not saying I’m not happy with it all the time; it’s just right now, as I write this, I’m just okay with my life. More often than not, it’s just me…my part in my life that I’m not happy with. Maybe that’s why people’s opinions matter to me. People’s opinions of ME matter to me. I don’t live or die by their opinions, but I find that they are important to me.
Being me, I Googled “why people’s opinions matter to me” and was given several articles that tell me why their opinions shouldn’t matter.
1. It’s Not Their Life – No, it’s not their life, it’s mine to live. Yes, I know that. I also know I’m the only one who has to approve of my choices. But I need validation on my choices. I don’t know why or how to end that cycle.
2. They Don’t Know What’s Best For You – True. I know what’s best for me and I learn from my choices and my mistakes. But I can’t help thinking that those I trust the most and who love me would have an opinion I trust and find helpful.
3. What’s Right For Someone Else May Be Completely Wrong For You-This much I know is true. I say that to my students all the time. Everyone is different. Different thought patterns, different styles of living, different body types, or different emotions.
4. Be Independent Of The Good Opinions of Others – The response to this in the article is a bit too spiritual for me to go into. I’m going to just leave it as I saw it.
Spiritual teacher Deepak Chopra writes:
“If you’re really spiritual, then you should be totally independent of the good and the bad opinions of the world…you should have faith in yourself.”
This is one of the wisest teachings I know. You see, often the people who give you their opinions (and even commands!) love you and have your best interest at heart. They are telling you what they believe is best for you. They have good intentions and thus their opinion is essentially good, since they are telling you what they believe is right. However, even if their opinions are coming from a good place, you still need to be independent of them. Inside all of us is a deep intuitive knowing that gives us solid information on what is best for us. When you listen to that deep knowing, you will feel a sense of joy, expansion, and deep peace (even if the choice is a little scary and out of your comfort zone). The wise teacher is inside of you. At the end of the day, you must choose what is right for you—even when others’ well-intended opinions differ from your own.
5. You’re The One Stuck With The End Result – one of my favorite expressions is “Not my Circus; Not my Monkeys”, but in this case, my life is my circus and my monkeys are my own opinions. I have to live with the consequences of my actions. I may not like what I have to do, or what I’ve done, but I have to live with it and understand how it affects me.
6. Your Inner Guidance Matters – Going with this means my gut feelings or how I read someone. Recently I had my core shaken when I realized I read someone/a situation wrong. I got slammingly hurt by it and I think it shook my reading or gut meter.
7. Trust Your Ability To Make Decisions – I can make my own decisions. I may overthink them and put too much effort into the decistion when it’s a simple black and white choice and then I blow it out of proportion. I often ask people I trust if I’ve made the right decision and let their answer sway what I have done. I need to stop that. I need to stop asking people if I did the right thing. I need to know that hearing “I wouldn’t have done that.” and take it as that was their choice. Mine was different. Like opinions. There are different ones and they don’t always match up, but everyone is entitled to one.
8. Live With Integrity– Going to leave the article’s words to speak for themself.
When you live life by your terms and with your approval you are living an authentic life. Alternatively, when you live searching for others’ approval, you end up living a lie since it is not the life you truly desire. Living with integrity means acting in alignment with what you feel is right. When you live by others’ standards you are not living a true life, nor is this a life of integrity.
9. Others Don’t Care As Much As You Think-That realization kind of threw me. Maybe that I know I care about people I take this as people don’t care about ME as much as I think and that one threw me. I do worry what others think of me and I was shockingly told that people don’t think about me that much at all. I know I’m not the center of any universe and that we are all planets hovering around each other, worried about our own thing and what’s going on with our own planet. I do know I need to focus on what I approve of and making sure I approve of what I do.
10. The Hard Truth: It’s Impossible To Please Everybody
The fact is some people just won’t like you, and some people will never approve of what you do. So you might as well get on with what you feel is right. Whether it’s regarding what you are wearing, a business decision, or career decision, not everyone you know—from family to clients and co-workers—will approve of what you choose. It’s just the hard truth. But that’s part of the saving grace in all of this. Simply knowing this gives us the freedom to act honestly in our lives. At the very least, you’ll be able to sleep at night with peace, knowing that you approve of and are pleased with your choices.