Validation is a verb meaning to give meaning to. So does that make finding validation in others the same as having others make you happy. To me, the words are two different actions that often overlap and have the same outcomes. Kushandwizdom which I see all over the Internet had a quote that I saw on Pinterest. “When you depend on people to build you up they’ll have the same power to break you down. You don’t need their validation to know your worth.” According to the many online tests (taken with a container of Mortons Salt) I have low self esteem and don’t value my worth to be very high. (disclaimer: I could have saved myself 20 minutes and just written that last sentence without taking the tests)
I do understand and now I can say I understand AND agree that the amount of self torture I did looking for validation from others hurt my self esteem and made me feel that I don’t have any true value in any kind of relationships with people. But I’m learning. It’s okay to not have other’s validate you. As a matter of fact it’s better.
Paraphrasing something written by Daniell Koepke; It is very easy to feel unworthy and unwanted when people aren’t able to communicate with you the way you want them to. It’s very easy to turn that into overthinking and internalize what you are feeling as uselessness and unworthiness. But as I realzied last night, most people are caught up in their own responsibilites, struggles and life to even think of asking someone else how they are doing. It’s not that they don’t like you are are rude; they are just busy and focused on what they are doing. Something I learned from as very smart family member.
People not responding to you right away via text or email or any form of communication isn’t a shortcoming on my part. It doesn’t make me any less likeable/loveable or invisible. It doesn’t mean that I’m too much, too needy, too annoying or too bothersome.