Don’t Judge Me….

or feel sorry for me, or pity me or even shun me. I’m an amazing person, but sometimes my brain likes me to think differently. My brain likes to take anything good that happens and shove it away with something more cataclysmic. When this happens, please just be there for me and listen, don’t judge. Help me be able to fight the negative that has taken over my mind and find the positive. Please, I’m worth it.

I know it doesn’t seem it, but I know that I am loved by many. Sometimes, when my depression hits, I will try to push loved ones away. Please don’t let me do that. Push back at me. I need to be reminded that there will be good days and there will be bad days, but knowing that you’ll be there no matter what means more than you can  imagine. Please, I’m worth it.

When I let my guard down and cry in front of you; let me know you’re there for me. I’m not weak. I’m not fragile. You don’t have to pity me or feel sorry for me. At that moment you don’t even have to like me. Just be there for me. Please, I’m worth it.

Know that if I had a choice, depression would not be one I would choose. I would not ask for you to see me through these times. I would not want you to define me by my depression. Know that if I could turn it off, I would. Know that it is an exhausting constant battle.  Please understand that and know I am worth it.

If I push you away, it doesn’t mean I don’t need you in my life. I push you away to protect you. I worry that I have let you down and that triggers an immense guilt. I take things too personally and sometimes snap back with horrible words that I regret the moment they come out. At my lowest points, I need to be reminded that I am loved and needed and even liked. Can you do that for me? Please, I am worth it.

In my heart of hearts, I know I am not a burden to you. I have a burden which means that I carry something that is too heavy to carry on my own. When I am feeling low, I want to hide and not be seen by you. I want you to not have to deal with the burden I carry. I isolate myself so to not be a burden to you. Please, don’t let me. I’m worth the effort.

I will have good days. Depression isn’t always a constant. But I will have days that are hard and I worry I will stay stuck there. And then I’ll have good days where I feel like I’ve found my happy again. My smile. Depression is a mixture of good and bad days. Every day may not be a good day, but there is something  good in each day.

You may think I don’t appreciate your kind words, but I do. Knowing I have someone on my side makes me feel less alone. I am worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

One thought on “Don’t Judge Me….

  1. This is a beautiful post. It sounds very familiar to me. I’ve had instances too where I was pushing people away but really trying to protect them. When we isolate we think we are doing other people a favor because our opinion of ourselves is so low in the moment. I also really like your line “every day may not be a good day, but there is something good in each day.”

    Like

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