Everyone wants to be liked. We want people to like us how we are. We want people to like us and get along with us. When we think people like us we thrive, we feel good about ourselves. But when we feel people don’t like us, “No one likes me” or “I have to get them to like me”, it can become dangerous. Like with me when I worry too much about what others think of me. I’m reeling in that right now. I am completely in the mode that I do not matter and that people think of me like a bad smell passing by them (see previous post). I am struggling terribly this holiday weekend.
I think that everyone sees me as weak and a fuck up. I can’t see people seeing my strengths and goodness in me. I know they are there, I just think they are paying me lip service. I read that I should seek out a small group of friends that I can trust and learn to trust them and know that I’m loved. Ther problem is….I truly have no friends. Bernard Baruch said “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
I know I shouldn’t care if people think badly of me. Not everyone likes me, I know that from the past few weeks in school and I still lived and made it through it. The worst thing that could happen from knowing/finding out people don’t like me I know who really does like me…I hesitate at writing friend there.
I started therapy to help me will all these issues and the thoughts and feelings that no one cares. I have my next session two weeks from tonight. I need to learn what I want and what I need. I know I am going to have periods, episodes if you will, like I’m having now, where I can hear myself saying that people don’t like me and I built myself up to be more to them than I really am. I have been keeping my other journal and writing all that comes to mind. I talk to myself. I write letters to people. I need to deal with this on a level that goes beyond what I am capable of doing alone.
Here’s how Carl Jung put it: “May each one seek out his own way. The way leads to a mutual love in community…Therefore give people dignity and let each of them stand apart, so that each may find his own fellowhsip and love it.. Give human dignity, and trust that life will find the better way.”