…..and I’m not really happy or proud about it.
According to one study, about 40 million Americans mostly women are branded as co-dependent and 7 million are depressed.
Let’s start with what is “emotional dependency”. The definition is when you allow others to affect your feelings and emotions, and depends on them for happiness and what not. This is giving another person complete control over your emotions. You know you are emotionally dependent when you don’t take 100% full responsibility for your own feelings. Basically, you encourage your feelings of loneliness, heartache, sorrow and grief, and helplessness over others. You are emotionally dependent when you don’t define your inner worth. You make what others’ approval and attention to you the guide and definition of your sense of worth.
I found a checklist that shows “symptoms” of being emotionally dependent. I highlighted my “checks” in bold.
Are you emotionally dependent? You might want to go through this checklist to find out.
__I cannot feel lovable and worthy without another’s approval.
__I need a lot of attention from certain people to feel that I am okay.
__I don’t trust my own feelings. I need others to validate my feelings.
__I am afraid of rejection. I isolate, try to be perfect, agree with others, give myself up or shut down, along with many other things, to avoid rejection.
__I am afraid to be alone.
__I often feel empty inside.
__I am often anxious around others.
__I am often jealous in my relationships.
__I take others’ uncaring behavior toward me personally.
__I get angry when others do what they want to do instead of what I want them to do.
__People have told me that I am too needy.
__I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not around others.
__I’m fine when I’m alone, but I get tense and anxious around others.
__I often find myself blaming others for my feelings – my anger, emptiness, insecurity, anxiety and so on.
__I believe that my good feelings should come from someone else loving me.
__I believe that my safety and security should come from someone else.
__I can’t have fun unless I’m with someone else who knows how to have fun.
__I am often anxious or depressed, guilty or shamed, hurt or angry.
Some of the answers are only partially “bolded” because I agreed with part of the statement. I think if I let others have access to this list, they may find others that I did not check off that they feel apply to me. I respect that, I just wanted to go on my mindset right now, here at this moment on a snowy Saturday afternoon. After looking at that checklist, I am embarrassed that I am emotionally dependent on certain people in my life. I need to overcome my emotional dependency on people. I think it will be a big step in gaining control over the emotional triggers in my depression.
I need to understand that people have their own lives to deal with and have limitations when it comes to dealing with their own relationships and understanding what we or rather I am going through. They have enough on their own plates without worrying how my plate looks.