Hi, how have you been?
I’ve been trying to talk to you, but I don’t know where to start.
Do I just open my mouth up and blurt it all out? Will you look at me like I’ve lost my mind?
Well, to be honest, yes, yes I have. I’ve been broken into a million pieces and I’m beginning to put them back together. My pieces are small and fragile. Once, they were bigger pieces and while I was busy gluing myself back together, someone came along and ground the big pieces into smaller ones.
I stood there helpless and not sure how to put myself back together. For a long time, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to put the pieces back in place. Some had been crushed into dust. There were many holes where I had to find new pieces to go into. It took time. It’s still going on. I stand here today, not completely back together and not perfect and shiny smooth. There are cracks and chips from lessons learned and scars that are trying to heal. Sometimes the scars became rough because I let them get opened again and again, not learning that they needed to heal so I can move on.
Why am I telling you this? Well, you were one of the pieces I found on the ground that had been broken off. No…please don’t get upset. You didn’t mean to cause the break, I let you cause it. There was a crack there already and you just managed to make the crack bigger and bigger until it fell off. You didn’t know it fell, and I kept silent. Because I kept silent, you stepped on that piece and shattered it even more. Now I have a hole where you used to be and I need to fill that part of my soul. I know you aren’t to blame, you didn’t know you even crushed that piece. I overthink things and may have left that part where it was because I was scared of what it meant and by leaving it be, I neglected the simple truth of what it represented.
What did it represent? It represented that the crack was supposed to be caused by you so that I could learn from the lesson it taught me. I had to learn that I am a strong person who doesn’t need to lean on anyone. I put too much faith into other’s and what they thought of me. Was I strong enough? Am I good enough? I let many into the little cracks of my soul until they helped to shatter it. I stood for a long time looking down at the pieces strewn on the floor and cried until the tears mixed with the dust and washed it away. I was left with pieces of me that needed to go back together. But could I put them together the way they were before? Would the crack continue to show with all that my tears washed away? No, they had to be filled with something stronger and in a different way. I’m writing this to you to thank you for making the cracks happen so that I could find a way to become stronger.
This was inspired by the picture below.