The Sorry Syndrome

I am the type of person who has this need to constantly apologize. I say “sorry” a lot because I feel like everything is my fault. I say “sorry” a lot because I’m genuinely afraid I’ve insulted you somehow. I say “sorry” because I honestly believe I have annoyed you in some way. I say “sorry” so much because I believe I annoy you with my presence. I say “sorry” so much because  I never realized how much I do it until it was pointed out to me. All too often I am hearing/reading “Why are you sorry?” I automatically think I did something wrong no matter what and I apologize. I always feel like I need to say I’m sorry for who I am. It comes from second guessing and over thinking everything I do. I have put such a weight on my shoulders to make everyone happy that I accept the blame for whatever I have convinced myself I have done. I feel if I am in disagreement with someone, in order to not have them be mad at me, I apologize before any confrontation begins, even if it is one in my own head.

I never realized how much I do it until it was pointed out to me. All too often I am hearing/reading “Why are you sorry?” I automatically think I did something wrong no matter what and I apologize. I always feel like I need to say I’m sorry for who I am. It comes from second guessing and over thinking everything I do. I have put such a weight on my shoulders to make everyone happy that I accept the blame for whatever I have convinced myself I have done. I feel if I am in disagreement with someone, in order to not have them be mad at me, I apologize before any confrontation begins, even if it is one in my own head.

It comes from second guessing and over thinking everything I do. I have put such a weight on my shoulders to make everyone happy that I accept the blame for whatever I have convinced myself I have done. I feel if I am in disagreement with someone, in order to not have them be mad at me, I apologize before any confrontation begins, even if it is one in my own head. In my head, if I apologize then I am making myself small and insignificant to the person and they won’t judge me.

But where does this stem from? Where did it begin…my constant need to say I’m sorry? Do I say I’m sorry to stay out of the way and not get noticed? Yes. If I feel I need to apologize for just “being” I do.  Are there certain situations that make me say sorry more than others? Absolutely. 90 out of 100 texts I send will have some kind of an apology in them for what I

Are there certain situations that make me say sorry more than others? Absolutely. 90 out of 100 texts I send will have some kind of an apology in them for what I perceive are needed reasons. I bothered you with my text. You have more important things to do than looking down and see my text. I have your number and shouldn’t have bothered to text you at all. I apologized so far this week (and it’s only Tuesday) for not bringing out the recycling when it wasn’t really for me to do – I was taking out the trash to be nice. I apologized for asking someone if I could vent to them. I apologized for sending a text and before I sent it I felt I shouldn’t have sent it. I apologized for not putting the garden hose away in the fall and I don’t honestly know if I did put it away or if it was my husband. I apologize if I took to long to do something because it was hard for me to do alone when I didn’t ask for help, to begin with. I apologized for a class being too loud when I had to teach in the caf because my classroom was being used and I had no idea I was bothering someone else. I mean the caf is like a fucking cavern and even a whisper echoes. I just sent an email apologizing to someone because I basically asked him to do his job. I felt guilty for bothering him.

Is there someone who makes you feel so intimidated that the only way I feel like I can respond is by saying “I’m sorry”. Yes. I feel like my presence in people’s life is a bother. I feel like I have to apologize for just saying hello sometimes.

 

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